0 comment Wednesday, May 7, 2014 | admin
Greetings and salutations, fellow fright fans. For those of you hip cats in the know, today begins the commencement of an event that FBD has looking forward to for sometime. That's right... the black lingerie at Victoria's Secret has FINALLY been put on clearance! Rejoice, brothers and sisters! The time for celebrating and romping around the bonfire in sexy bedroom wear is upon us! Let the hills vibrate from the intense chorus of our delighted shrieks and howls.
Hey, howls. That reminds me. This week is also the arrival of the Paul Naschy Blogathon, hosted by the your horrific hosts the Vicar and the Duke over at Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies. Gadzooks! That means I must contribute something deep, thoughtful, and intellectually stimulating to educate the masses on the woolly world of Naschy cinema. Well, onwards and upwards!
*Note: Before our intrepid hero could proceed any further with his plans, he was suddenly and savagely attacked by a post that had been dead for months, it having recently been resurrected after two meddling gypsies removed the silver crucifix from the page's heart. Our hero would like to apologize for the unfortunate events and any legal issues that may arise from the situation. He would now kindly (and against his own will) like to re-introduce the BAD ISSUE version of Paul Naschy's first werewolf epic, FRANKENSTEIN'S BLOODY TERROR.
AND so begins our mad adventure into horror! The Frankenstein Monster, the central character of our sordid drama. This shambling creature made from the...
Oh, okay then. This is the story of Wolfstein, a relative of the monster twice removed. It is his his cursed family lineage that serves as the crux of this hoary horror...
Our tale begins at the Playboy Mansion, where the annual Halloween party is in full swing and some of the guests remain fully clothed...
Two members of the Mustache Enthusiast Society look on the scene in revelry...
Old Guy #1's daughter Janice and Old Guy #2's son Rudolph dazzle the dance floor with their unrestrained beauty...
But Waldemar Daninsky, the weirdo in the tights, has his eyes set on little Janice...
He swoops in for the kill and woos the young maiden...
Rudolph is none too happy...
The next day Waldemar becomes reacquainted with the lady...
While two other ladies secretly gossip about Waldemar...
Waldemar proceeds to be creepy at the local church...
He watches the couple head off to the ancient castle of the Daninskys...
Rudy and Janice investigate the crumbling remains...
DUN DUN DUN! Waldemar arrives...
The war of the colored sweaters rages on...
Rudy gives Janice a good scolding on the way home...
His raging chauvinism causes a wagon to veer off the road...
Good Samaritan Waldemar to the rescue...
Gratitude is exposed...
Waldemar departs...
The gypsies soon learn that they definitely should have taken the left turn at Albuquerque...
A raging storm forces them to make haste into the strange abode...
They soon make themselves at home...
Back at the mansion, the old guys lay a lifetime struggle to rest...
Back at the Lohan residence...
Magical Bearded Man hits upon the idea of journeying into the shadowy tomb of the castle, completely ignoring the "Beware of Lycanthrope" sign on the door...
They ransack the place of its riches...
A startling discovery...
A bad idea soon turns into a worse idea...
Furry mayhem ensues...
Back at Waldy's place, things are looking up...
He receives news of the gypsies' death, but more daunting matters are weighing heavily on his mind...
Heading to the castle where everyone decided to leave the ravaged bodies, Waldemar tries to make the best of the situation...
He quickly forgets about this and decides to start courting Janice again...
A party is gathered and all the men receive their duties...
That night, the Chowder Society assesses the spooky situation...
Waldemar and Rudy pass the time by jovially chatting...
The night holds many surprises...
The werewolf approaches and Old Guy #2 gets ready to do his thing...
When Connery attacks Rudy, Waldemar unbuckles his pants and heads into action...
Things get a little intimate...
The werewolf is duly exterminated...
Waldemar heads to the church to find holy relief for his pain...
Later that night, Waldy is plagued by terrible dreams...
His fate is forever sealed...
Rudy offers his friend some comforting words...
Janice is not impressed...
Waldemar's hope is reasserted...
Several hours and one well-oiled chest later, Waldemar and Rudy prepare for the inevitable...
Rudy is astounded by the sight...
Waldemar begins to change...
Until he has completely become a rabid beast with an unspeakable hunger...
Wolfy escapes into the night and becomes slightly confuzzled when he stumbles into a music video by Prince...
Meanwhile, in the Thornton residence...
An unexpected visit...
Wolfy makes short work of Billy Bob...
Waldemar's arrival startles Rudy...
The bond grows stronger...
A brotherly pact is made...
Janice attempts concentration...
Rudy boldly leaves with a heart full of bravery and dignity...
Janice is lost without her pals...
Her interest is aroused...
Janice finds a friend...
Waldemar initiates a mission...
Waldemar's passion is intense...
Rudy offers wise words of advice...
At the mansion, the wise elders of the village hold important counsel...
Janice cleverly sneaks in and deceives her father...
Back at the castle...
Things start getting urgent...
Rudy is forced to lock Waldy in as his hormones rage...
Rudy tries his luck once again...
Rudy and Janice meet the Mikhelovs at the fog-shrouded train station...
The couple's true evil nature is revealed...
The arrival of the Mikhelovs has Waldemar on edge...
Janice has her own ways of consoling herself...
In the dungeon, the vampires inflict countless tortures upon Waldemar...
At the mansion, Old Guy #2 is troubled...
At the castle, the bloodthirsty beehive attacks Rudy's face...
Janos makes his smooth entrance...
The nefarious depravity of the vampires knows no bounds...
Surprises are around every corner at the mansion...
Introductions are made...
Janice seeks the comfort of the seductive Janos...
Janos lays on the undead charm...
Old Guy #1 is distressed by his daughter's disappearance...
Mrs. Mikhelov demonstrates her supernatural powers...
A sudden shock catches Janice off-guard...
Tensions are on the rise at the mansion...
The re-resurrected Connery swears furry vengeance...
Betrayal sets in at the mansion...
The terrible creature inside of Waldemar is unleashed!
Connery is in a funk...
Further developments cause a triangle of betrayal...
A stake in the heart is the least of Mrs. Mikhelov's problems...
Rudy has second thoughts about his vampire mistress...
Teamwork brings everyone together...
Janos is awakened from his slumber by a horrible thirst...
Janos serenades his new bride...
The night invigorates Janos...
Meanwhile, David Hasselhoff struggles to eat his cheeseburger...
Wolfy goes on the hunt...
Painful memories flood Janos' mind...
The director offers a few words of advice to Janice...
Janice takes charge of the situation...
Waldemar is thankful for the release from his curse...
Janice emotes for the first time...
Rudy offers the perfect words of comfort...
And thus ends our tale of horror. All the monsters are dead, Waldemar never finds his cure, Janice marries the wimp, and the old guys continue their quest for the applesauce. Everyone's happy! Hooray!
Labels: Bad Issue, Blogathon, FrankensteinS Bloody Terror, Mmmmmovies, Paul Naschy