Romance of Mystery

Everyone knows that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day, but just why is that anyhow? The Olivers are a couple who are willing to find out, and Mr. Rockwell, their eloquent host for the evening, gives them a ghostly history lesson on the dark beginnings of that most despised calendar day. It�s in his brooding 16th century mansion that Rockwell explains that Friday was the day of Christ�s crucifixion and, as he puts it, was the one occasion when the Devil had won over God. Fear and superstition of the dreaded 13th day has plagued mankind ever since.
After the mood is set, it only comes natural for the trio to journey deep into the family crypt for a little midnight tour. Peters the butler warns them not to enter the cobwebbed chambers and gives Rockwell a revolver loaded with "dum-dum bullets," a weapon guaranteed to work against any hostile supernatural force they might meet along the way. And from the looks of it they�re gonna need them: the Olivers are paying a little visit to one of their host�s ancestors, Erick Rockwell, alchemist extraordinaire! The old bloke gained infamy since he had a bad habit of murdering young girls, collecting 13 drops of blood from their bodies in order to fix up a mean cocktail that had the power to rejuvenate!
As crazy as the old wizard might have appeared, it seems his elixir actually worked, being that he was over 100 years old at the time of his execution in 1623 and didn�t look a day over 40! Not appreciating Rockwell�s recipe for health shakes, the courts saw it fit to burn the devil at the stake for his odious crimes. But apparently even that wasn�t enough, as a few choice bones from Erick�s body made it through the inferno and are now being held within the family vault. Harry Oliver�s none too thrilled with the human artifacts, but his wife Judith can�t help but be entranced by Senor Erick�s grinning skull. So much so that she cuts her finger on the iron chest that house the bones and an exact thirteen drops of plasma smack against ol� Erick�s parched teeth. Uh oh.
Later in their bedroom, Harry and Judith discuss the possibility that Rockwell is two rungs short of a full ladder after the host goes into a frightful fit at the sight of Judith�s blood soaking in his ancestor�s crusty maw. But that doesn�t explain how there is no sign of Judith�s injury anywhere on her hand or how the hankie used to bind her wound is now completely clean. As the blaze from the bonfires set by neighboring countryside farmers light up the dark night in order to drive away evil spirits, a hideous stepping and dragging is heard in the hallway. Rockwell recalls with horror that his ancestor suffered from a lame foot (he was a lousy dancer too) and the men soon barrel out into the corridors to seek out the terror.
Of course they leave Judith completely defenseless, making it an ample opportunity for Erick to make his grand entrance. The skull-faced fiend cackles deliriously as he closes in on the heroine, promising to make her his zombie slave and regain his full form by stealing an additional 13 drops of the red stuff from her. Ever the gentleman, Erick takes his snack away with him kicking and screaming to the Forbidden Tower of Horrible Death in the Castle�s Keep. Returning from their fruitless search, Rockwell and Harry realize the terrible truth when they see a skeletal footprint (!) in the dusty floor. So the two dum-dums barrel through the mansion Scooby Doo-style to reach Erick�s wretched laboratory in the tower before it�s too late.
Meanwhile, Erick uses his mystical powers to control the helpless Judith as she prepares for her own sacrificial ceremony. In a doubly sadistic and kinky moment, the breathless ghoul urges the gal to light the ceremonial black candles and pour a delectable mixture of melted newborn baby fat and the "holy oil of Hell" while he laments over his stiff, bony appendages. Hmm. Just when things are reaching the boiling point, Rockwell and Harry come pounding on the door in typical heroic fashion. Erick mercilessly taunts them and compels Judith to acquaint her entrails with the blade of a sacrificial dagger, but the sorcerer�s hypnotic hold is broken when the two dunces crash into the room.
They try to ruin the revenant�s fun by knocking over the candles and oil, instantly setting the entire tower ablaze, but Erick isn�t one to be hampered so easily. He takes Judith up into his scrawny arms and goes merrily snickering away before Rockwell guns the fool down with the revolver. Turns out the bullets were fashioned with the symbol of the cross carved into them and the holy slugs have reduced Erick to the immobile pile of bones he was before. Soon the entire mansion is consumed in flames (when are they not?) and the chiming of midnight summons the end of one helluva Friday the 13th�


"The Devil�s Number" is pure pulpy fun from one of the very first pioneers in audio terror, kiddies! This May 2nd, 1938 broadcast comes to us by way of The Witch�s Tale, the demented brainchild of Alonzo Dean Cole who invited his regular listeners to the howling hut of Ol� Nancy the witchy-poo her ownself and her incessantly yowling black cat Satan, voiced by Cole himself! Every week Nancy would ask us to stare into the glowing embers of her fire as she wove another ghastly play for our eerie ears. "The Devil�s Number" is a deliciously grotesque episode (and I say that with love!) that puts you in just the right frame of mind for the type of putrid programming to be expected from our hostess with the mostest.
Seeming to have taken inspiration from the countless pulp magazines and "weird menace" titles that stared lividly out at salivating young readers with their luridly painted covers of beautiful bound maidens and sweating, yellow-toothed fiends from the drug store racks of 1930�s America, "The Devil�s Number" throws all the insidious ingredients of those stories into one bubbling cauldron to create 30 minutes worth of auditory unpleasantries just dripping with foggy atmosphere and dusty antiquity. The heroes are daring, the damsel is modest, and the villain is so wickedly evil that you won�t be able to keep yourself from cracking a twisted grin at the sound of his guffawing skull. Radio fans shouldn�t miss this one for the world; it�s that classically spooky type of yarn that we relish more than all the rabbits feet and horseshoes in the whole world.
Give it a listen (along with a plethora of Ol' Nancy's other yarns) here.

Labels: 1930S, Friday The 13Th, Horror On The Airwaves, Old Time Radio, Sorcerer, The WitchS Tale, Zombies

I like mad doctors. Even more than that, I enjoy the mad-scientist-with-evil-ape-assistant subgenre more than a kid enjoys sugary cereals, staging fights with his action figures, and the seductive charms of Bea Arthur. Yeah, that much. I get a kick out of watching films, whether they be old Tarzan movies or Three Stooges shorts, that have an actor in that fuzzy, rubbery, I-can-see-the-zipper gorilla costume. There's just something about the way that they go aping (oh ho ho) their way around a haunted house or a stage sound jungle that makes me burst out in a fit of deep, manly laughter. So can you imagine the demented grin that stole over my lips when I heard that there was an episode from "Dark Fantasy," a radio show broadcasted in the 40's, that involved said monkey shenanigans?
But then it got even better.
Michael Brock and his wife Adelaide, a famous opera soprano, are on board a private airplane headed for the star's latest concert. Adelaide is plagued by a premonition of evil during their trip. She thinks back to a fellow opera singer, Stephan Wilder, who had mysteriously disappeared five years previously. After a short layaway at Sentilla, Adelaide begins to fear something is amiss when she notices they are over water, as opposed to their close landing. Getting up to question the pilot, Michael notices something else is not quite right. Why, the pilot isn't a pilot. It's a gorilla flying the plane! And faster than anyone can say "Charles Darwin," the ape demonstrates its power to speak coherent English.

The couple is then taken to the laboratory of one Dr. Luther, a cuckoo for Coco Puffs scientist who has some nefarious plans in the mix. Boasting his primate assistant, Luther shows Michael and Adelaide that his chimp can not only speak, but he can SING as well! It soon becomes apparent that Luther has surgically implanted the vocal chords of Stephan Wilder into the buff body of the ape! What is Luther's demented scheme, you ask? Well what else than to take his monkey on tour so that they may astound the world with his robust, operatic tones! Now with Adelaide in his clutches, Luther is determined to graft her pretty little voice into another specimen and it all ends in a climax that needs to be heard to be believed...
This is undoubtedly one of the funnest radio shows it's been my pleasure to listen to. In spite of the nearly ridiculous plot (a SINGING ape!), all the actors in the episode play the matter incredibly straight. The only bit of hamminess we get is from Dr. Luther, who sounds like he could've been voiced by that British actor of villainous infamy Tod Slaughter. The images that play out in one's mind while listening to this episode are guaranteed to inspire a time of good ol' fun and hilarity. The sound quality is in crystal clear shape so you can hear every last minute of it in its ludicrous entirety. Don't miss this one for the world. If you don't have a side-splitting great time with this delirious drama, then I'll be a monkey's uncle.
Tune into Kong's serenade HERE.

Labels: 1940S, Gorilla, Horror On The Airwaves, Mad Scientist, Old Time Radio

Has your nighttime revelry been suddenly disturbed by the crackling sounds emanating from your dusty radio? Is the dial glowing with a light that can only be described as demonic? Have you left the iron on? Well if so, then you realize with a shuddering gulp that these omens can only mean one thing. That's right, it's another frightful journey down the molding halls of yesteryear for an episode of "Horror From The Airwaves"! And in tonight's twisted tale starring the immortal Boris Karloff, we will hear about one of my favorite subjects: "the eternal seeking of an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth."
George Miller has spent nearly his entire life within the wretched, grey walls of prison, serving a life sentence for a crime that he didn't commit. But George has gotten a break. His sentence is commuted and he will soon be a free man. And all the better, because Miller has some unfinished business he needs to take care of. This unsettles the warden who speaks to the cadaverous Miller just before George is released back into society. Miller seems to be fueled by this one sole purpose, and it doesn't seem like he's wary of breaking the law to achieve it. What perplexes the warden even more is that Miller had recently quit his job as the jailhouse librarian to become the barber's apprentice. So now the quiet and peaceful Miller, whose imprisoned years have changed him both physically and mentally, has become learned in the ways of the straight razor...
Things aren't looking so hot for big-time gangster Ace. He isn't happy about the news of Miller's release and the dead rats that keep appearing on his doorstep and in mail packages don't seem like harmless accidents. Sensing that Miller has returned to settle a score from the past, Ace retreats to a mountain cabin hideaway with his gal Miss Caroll to elude Miller's grasp. And wouldn't you know it, the cabin has a new caretaker, a fine old chap named Walter who recently replaced the old guy. Ace's nerves are pushed to their breaking point as the slain rats keep showing up, signs of the fate that he will eventually meet. But Walter's there to soothe Ace's mind, and what better way to help him out then by offering a nice, relaxing shave?

"The Final Reckoning" bears a more than passing resemblance to "Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street", that beloved tale of psychos and shaving cream that haunted the cheap paper of the penny dreadfuls. What makes that slightly interesting is the fact that this episode incorporates the wronged-prisoner-seeking-vengeance storyline that would later be popularized by Christopher Bond's stage play adaptation of the tale (which would later go on to serve as the basis for Stephen Sondeheim's bloody musical) thirty odd years before it's inception. Listening to this drama can't help but conjure up images of Karloff on the Broadway stage, singing his heart out in that marvelous tenor as he slits the throats of his unsuspecting customers. That would have been a wonder for the ages.
Speaking of Karloff, the man shines in this episode as George Miller. His soothing, crisp tone is so devilishly eloquent that he sounds as if he's reciting poetry even as he's threatening someone's life with a razor. As in many of his most famous roles, Karloff manages to pull us in and root for his wronged character with that passionate voice of his. Miller may be off his loop, but Karloff never for once plays him as a cackling villain who has a habit of rubbing his hands together diabolically (with all due respect to Tod Slaughter). Instead Miller becomes an actual person, a tragic figure in a predicament that could've warped any one of us. And Boris never yells; his rage boils just under the surface of his skin and the tiny flourishes of madness that he instills in his speech really stick with you.
"The Final Reckoning" was part of a radio series entitled Creeps By Night that premiered in 1944. Despite starring such terror luminaries as Mr. Karloff and Peter Lorre in various episodes, the show has fallen into obscurity over the years. Like the fate of many other radio shows of the day, the majority of episodes have become lost with only a handful still remaining in circulation on the web and in disc format.
If you'd like to get an earful of the craziness just described, head on over HERE to listen to "The Final Reckoning" and a few other shock stories from Creeps By Night. Thanks for stopping by the parlor. That'll be two bits.

Labels: 1940S, Boris Karloff, Creeps By Night, Horror On The Airwaves, Old Time Radio, Sweeney Todd

Greeting, readers. Pull your overstuffed armchairs close to the glowing dial of the radio, because we have another terror tale from yesteryear to listen to in tonight's edition of "Horror On The Airwaves."
Our story is set in the sickly wet heat of French New Guinea, on a small rocky reef that bears the macabre name of Three Skeleton Key. Three men man the lighthouse that accommodates the reef, the heavenly lamp shining through the treacherous fog in order to guide all passing ships to safety. Our narrator is Jean, a complacent fellow who lets us in on all the proceedings. He is accompanied by Louis, a very Bluto-esque sailor who has just about as much patience as he has words. Auguste, on the other hand, is a chatty hunchback who is constantly sharing stories with his companions of the days when he acted on the stage at the Grand Guignol. All three of them share no close bonds, but they get along fine enough to get through the day.
But one day something happens that puts their very lives on the line. Spotting a vessel being tossed about by the tumultuous waves outside, Jean calls the other two over to observe the spectacle. It soon becomes apparent that the ship is a derelict, not a living soul to be seen on board. But as the ship washes up ever closer to the jagged rocks on the coast, Jean sees a horrifying sight through his binoculars. The ship is infested with rats, a special breed that has adapted to living on vessels. They are venomous, flesh-hungry vermin, the reason for the absence of any humans on board becoming cryptically clear. What's worst of all, the ship crashes against the shore, allowing the entire army of plague-carriers to swarm the lighthouse.
The three men work with all haste to ensure that every opening is sealed tight, running frantically up and down the spiral staircase as the rats ferociously tear at the doors and windows with a million pairs of yellow fangs and claws. Jean and his partners have now become prisoners in their own lighthouse, the animals outside a sure sign of impending death. As the rats press in on them inch by inch, the lighthouse keepers begin to lose their grip on sanity and slowly give in to the hungry maw of tangible fear...
"Three Skeleton Key" was adapted to radio from a story written by French writer George Toudouze which originally appeared in the magazine Esquire. The most famous broadcast of this harrowing story was the March 17, 1950 version that starred Vincent Price as Jean. "Three Skeleton Key" is one of the most famous broadcasts in all of old time radio history. Airing on the the spectacular series Escape!, it remains a fantastic example of the powers of auditory suggestion and suspense.
During the duration of the thrilling story, the listener becomes completely immersed in the time and setting (a facet that I always found Escape! to really excel in). You can feel the hot, humid air sticking to your skin and imagine yourself squinting through the thick fog that encloses you. Jean's narration of the lighthouse paints a clear image of its bony structure jutting up through the sharp rocks. And, perhaps best of all, the invasion of the rats becomes something as real as your own flesh and blood. The effects used to create the sounds of the vermin's advance are bone-chilling in their horror. Every squeak, scratch, and scuttle of the rats makes you feel as if there are critters running in the same room as you. It's hair-raising scares at their most effective, the swarming of the beasts the perfect apocalyptic symbol for this fight of man against Mother Nature's creations.
If you'd like to give this chiller a listen, curl up with some warm hot chocolate and tune in HERE. If you find yourself with a case of goosebumps before going to bed, don't worry your little head about the creepy crawlies in the dark. I'll keep a light burning for you.

Labels: 1950S, Escape, Horror On The Airwaves, Old Time Radio, Rats, Vincent Price