Romance of Mystery

It's that time again. We must don our ceremonial cloaks and head into the dank, eldritch recesses of the forbidden Film Crypt. But the horrors have only increased this time! For in my dastardly pursuit of insidious experimentation, I have created a new format that deviates deliciously from my regular stand-alone reviews. Like the drive-in terrors of years past, what better way to wring the fear from my expectant readers than to slam them with TWO, count 'em, TWO ferocious films?! It's brilliant! It's genius! It's the dawning of a new intellectual millennium!
It's also an easy and lazy way for me to keep up with all these damned movies I watch. Not to mention being capsule size overviews that might be smoother reading compared to my by-far wordier and at times unnecessarily descriptive full reviews. But if you enjoy those as well, do not fear. Full reviews will still make their appearances within the shadowed and forsaken walls of the Film Crypt. I'll save those for films that I can really go on for days about, and then you'll be sorry.
For our first installment of the Cryptic Double Feature, we'll be focusing on two foreign films nearly 70 years apart but that are close in their desire to display insane, captivating, and intense images to force their viewers through (by the by, most of the Cryptic Double Features will have some type of theme or bond, even if I have to make one up). The films are vignette-like, containing stories and segments that both give us the shivers and boggle our minds. A winning combination. The films brought to you for this Cryptic Double Feature are Un Chien Andalou and Three... Extremes. Without further ado, let the curtain rise and the show begin...
UN CHIEN ANDALOU (1929)
Directed by Luis Bunuel
Written by Salvador Dali and Luis Bunuel
Starring Simone Mareuil and Pierre Batcheff
There is one image that everyone remembers this film for: that of a smoking man (played by Luis Bunuel) sharpening a straight razor on a strop and then nonchalantly using it to slice a woman's eye in half as she calmly sits on a moonlit balcony. Indeed, that sequence alone is enough to be burned into one's memory for quite some time. But that is only one of many unforgettable and downright bizarre pictures that fill this experimental and fascinating film. Almost every still of the film could serve as the subject of a stand alone painting. This makes sense when you take into account that Salvador Dali, a master of surreal art, was the other creative force behind this picture alongside Luis Bunuel, a filmmaker who would later go on to make beautifully strange movies such as The Exterminating Angel and The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie. Un Chien Andalou is really just a fragmented set of slightly related pieces filled with mesmerizing images. Some of these include ants crawling out a hole in a man's hand and a street walker poking at a dismembered hand with his cane. There's also a moment that I personally found hilarious when the male lead, enraged at his woman companion, drags a piano not only carrying a dead donkey but also two priestly-looking gents who talk to each other in an absurdly mundane way.

My personal belief is that in most works of art, whether they be film or literature, the shorter it is, the more profound the experience. This is just solely based on my experience with both, and this film is surely a testament to that belief. At only 16 minutes long, Un Chien Andalou succeeds in putting the viewer through an experience almost like no other. You feel as if you're watching a dream that has actually been put to celluloid, events happening just because they can and making little to absolutely no logical sense in the process. The tango music that accompanies the film is a lovely complement to the outlandish proceedings. It gives it the feel of a mad dance, the steps being completely random and the end of the lunatic song no where in sight.
Trailer

THREE... EXTREMES (2004)
Directed by Fruit Chan, Chan-wook Park, and Takashi Miike
Written by Lilian Lee, Chan-wook Park, and Haruko Fukushima & Bun Saikou
Starring Ling Bai, Meme Tian, Byung-hun Lee, Won-hie Lim, Kyoko Hasegawa, and Mitsuru Akaboshi
I really love anthology horror films. You can attribute that to my love for a good ol' short terror tale or an extreme case of ADD (bunny!). Whatever the case may be, I usually dig anthology flicks, no matter how terrible or uninspired the material may be. I can appreciate the filmmakers' attempts to give the viewer a fine sampling of all of the genre's diverse subjects and subgenres. It's like a great big buffet (something I'm also a huge fan of), albeit filled with vampires and serial killers instead of General Tso's chicken. With this mind set, I was bound to enjoy Three Extremes. The film itself was very exceptional and the expertise of all three directors truly shined in each of their segments. Going along with the food metaphor, the first story, called "Dumplings" serves up a bowl of terror when an aging actress uses a rather nasty remedy to clear up her wrinkles and make the chest a little perkier for her cheating husband. Too bad the remedy is unborn fetuses cooked into yummy dumplings! The first segment is simple and straightforward, enough to entertain you for its duration and get you hungry for Chinese.
The second story, "Cut" is probably the most intriguing segment of the piece. A horror film director is held captive by a mad stuntman who is punishing the filmmaker for having a perfect and charming life. And the fact that the director is a really nice guy only enrages the psycho even more! Although containing a few comedic elements, "Cut" never lets up on the dread and has some really stunning and shocking scenes (check out the director's wife a.k.a. "the piano puppet"). Not only does it deliver with the gore and viciousness, but it'll leave you thinking and pondering on the morality of all the characters involved, and it's all capped off with a great downbeat ending. The best segment for sure.

The final tale, "Box", is helmed by Takashi Miike, a man whose films I've become acquainted with. Miike's work seems to be an acquired taste, but I did enjoy Audition very much and liked Ichi the Killer well enough (even if my 15 year old eyes were completely traumatized by the things I'd seen). This story, however, was just kind of confusing. A young writer begins seeing images of her sister (a ghost?), her twin whom she left to burn to death in a box at the circus where they both performed as children. She keeps having dreams of being buried alive in the box and an old shadow from the past returns to have his vengeance. Or does he? Sound complicated? Well that's what it certainly was for me. Perhaps the story was meant to be on a more psychological level (the story's ending appears to imply that anyway), a level that I couldn't quite grasp. Maybe, like Un Chien Andalou, it was just meant to be nothing more than a chain of weird events held loosely together by a wraparound story. Since it was preceded by two fairly linear narratives, "Box" pops out of the blue and is a bit of a jarring transition. However, I will say that it has some of the most gorgeous cinematography I have yet to see in any film. That shot of Kyoko kneeling in the snow before the twisted, gnarled tree? Beautiful. Makes me want to live in Alaska.
Overall, Three Extremes is an enjoyable film. It's got enough blood and icky moments (bathtub abortion!) to please the gore hounds out there and the stories are generally engaging and entertaining. I think this would serve as a great way to introduce a cinema-wary friend to the joys of Eastern filmmaking. For the rest of us horrorphiles, it is what it is and that's not all that bad.
Trailer

Labels: 1920S, 2000S, Asia, Creepy, Double Feature, Gore, Spain, Three Extremes, Un Chien Andalou, Weird

Runtime: 89 minutes
Countries: USA and Spain
Cast and Crew
Directed by Juan Piquer Simon
Written by Dick Randall and Joe D�Amato
Starring Christopher George, Lynda Day George, Ian Sera, Edmund Purdom, Frank Brana, Jack Taylor, and Paul L. Smith
Makeup: Pedro Camacho
Never before have I read a tagline for a movie that is so honest and close to the truth. Right under the jagged letters that pronounce the film�s title it reads: It�s exactly what you think it is! And brother, this movie most certainly is.
The cast and crew list of the film reads almost like a "Who�s Who" in exploitation films. We have Juan Piquer Simon heading the picture, the director who gave the world cinematic masterpieces such as Slugs and Cthulhu Mansion. Producer Dick Randall writes the script along with Anthropophagus and Buio Omega gore boy Joe D�Amato (working under the mysterious pseudonym of "John Shadow." Ooooooh!). And everyone�s favorite gritty, raspy-voiced Christopher George (City of the Living Dead) starring as the intrepid but pretty much useless detective trying to get to the bottom of the mystery. Oh, and the guy who played Bluto in Robert Altman�s Popeye.
The mystery in question is a series of awesomely gory murders that are taking place on a Boston college campus. The heavy-breathing sicko has a nasty habit of stalking nubile young babes and then cutting them to smithereens with his handy dandy chainsaw. A young student gets entangled in the mess when a potential bed buddy (HOW does this guy get laid?!) meets her end when she is netted out of the school pool and made into bite-size hors d�oeuvres. Lieutenant Bracken is on the case and has a whole gallery of unsavory personalities from the suspicious anatomy professor to the hulking gardener to choose from. But will he be able to intervene in time before the deranged maniac strikes again and completes his unholy puzzle of beautiful human flesh?! We sure hope not.
Something I�ve noticed is that there are many, many movies that highlight certain aspects of a film only for the actual movie to fall short of what it was advertising. I would look at the movie Insane Cannibal Biker Maniacs from Hell, for instance, expecting to get what that movie was promising me. A lot of times these movies induce feelings of suicide before the opening credits are finished. But not Pieces. Although it is for movie lovers on a steady diet of sleaze and cheese, Pieces is such an incredibly fun-filled good time that you can't help but love every last grainy frame of it. Pieces gives you exactly what you want. In FULL. And then pays you a nice tip.
I would go so far as to dare anyone to sit through a viewing of this movie and not crack a smile at least once. By all appearances the filmmakers look as if they were taking themselves at least somewhat seriously (the stalking scenes are especially effective with the killer�s shadow chasing the women down), but there are so many comedic elements in the movie that they give you the impression that Simon was laughing to himself behind the camera the whole time. The movie remains infamous amongst horror fans, a truly nasty nugget from the darkest corners of the grindhouse.
Some of the best moments include the historic "Bad Chop Suey" scene (if I described it anymore I would spoil it for the rest of you; suffice it to say that Dick Randall was producing a kung fu film at the time and decided to stick a Bruce Lee impersonator from that film into this movie. Scratching your head? Just watch and enjoy). Not to mention Lynda Day George�s Oscar-nominated scene where she angrily ejaculates "Bastard! Baaaastard! BAAAAAASSSSSTAAAAAARD!" The music score fits the movie perfectly as well. And of course when I say it�s perfect I mean it�s hilariously cheesy. Not to mention a wide variety! In the opening credits and during the murder scenes we get a delicious taste of 80�s synthesizers and some rip-offs of Goblin. If slow and mellow is more your speed, then you�ll certainly enjoy the "sexy" scenes of females undressing set to softcore jazz music reminiscent of the porno you caught your dad watching. But don�t worry. All this is brightened up by the introduction of heart-pumping aerobics music, leg-warmers and all!
The print that I watched was from St. Clair Entertainment in a box set called "Cult Horror Collection." You know, one of those packages that gather a bunch of horror films in the public domain and strings 'em together for the price of $13.99? The picture and sound quality were just fine, giving it the proper filthy tones that fits it so nicely. Grindhouse Releasing/Box Office Spectaculars released an uncut and uncensored version in 2008, complete with interviews with Juan Piquer Simon and so many more goodies to name. If you haven�t been convinced already, I highly encourage you to go out and purchase this ditty. You�ll be doing yourself a GREAT favor.
This movie truly is a horror gem, a blood bath filled with just as much belly laughs as it is with intestines. Eli Roth is known to preview this film during his film festivals, much to the amusement of the horror-crazed (and probably slightly drunk) crowd. Pieces is made for that exact type of viewing. Call up a few friends, fill up the fridge with alcohol, and let the demented charm of this psycho slasher take hold of you by the cajones and give you the ride of your life. If there�s anything you should take into your heart from this movie, it should be this: "The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed at the same time."

Trailer

Labels: 1980S, Cheesy, Gore, Grindhouse, Pieces, Spain, The Crypt